eBay Internal Memo

Just found this internal memo that has been circulated at eBay a couple of days ago from F’d Company, it’s so funny.

I took the liberty of adding some replies/comments that someone working at eBay could think of, in bold.

I would like to notify you regarding the new quality measures that will take place. As you are aware, eBay strives to be the best in our business, and to ensure that our members receive the best possible customer service when contacting us.
Starting in October, monitoring software will be installed on all company computers. This is not an effort to “spy” on your activities (of course not), but rather to allow our quality department to take screen shots of your computer (oh, i see ! but hey, what’s the difference ?), to allow them to better coach you regarding policy and procedures. (You mean, to better know how to screw me !)
Please keep in mind, all AOL Instant messager messages will be recorded, and all incoming and outgoing emails will also be affected. (Nope, that’s got nothing to do with spying at all)

With this said, here are some guidelines that I would like you to follow:
1. No pornography sites should be accessed unless it is part of your job
Part of their job ?? Are you telling me some people at eBay surf porn sites as part of their job ? Damn i wanna work at eBay, lol…
2. No personal emails should be sent or received using company equipment
But i’m friends with everyone here :(
3. AOL Instant Messengers should be used for work related purposes only.
Well, nicefatteddy76 uses ebay every once in a while, so it’s kind of work related ;)
4. While working during business hours, no access to unrelated Internet sites is allowed under any circumstances.
Does this include the porn sites mentioned above or not ?

Please remember that every action performed on your company computer will be recorded. Please act accordingly.
Hmmm, can i install Spybot or some other anti-spyware program ?

If you are caught viewing Internet sites that are not work related, you may suffer disciplinary action up to and including termination.
Even if it’s your personal blog Mr. Manager, i’m a big fan of it.

If you have questions regarding this new policy, please contact your supervisor, or lead.
He’s too busy deleting his xxx hidden folders :P

[name removed]
eBay Manager