10 Ways To Lose A Job

For the fun of it, I thought I’d compile a list of 10 things that a person could do to lose their job.
At some point or another in my career I’ve met people who have done one or more of these things; some of them eventually lost their jobs, others didn’t. Anyway, personally, I think these ten reasons should be a sure way out for anyone.

1. Go to work late; put your stuff on your desk and directly go out for a long coffee break; daily. Bonus points if you go out for long lunches too, have another afternoon coffee break, then leave early.

2. Don’t go to work for a few days and then go back with no convincing or provable reason; bonus points if you can manage to get the HR manager run into you while you’re out having fun with your friends.

3. Download a bunch of porn onto your work computer; bonus points for sending it around to your colleagues.

4. Spend a lot of your time working on your CV and surfing job sites; for a bonus: ask one of the managers to help you translate your CV into another language or for some tips.

5. Have a shitty attitude towards everyone, act bitchy, shout and make a big fuss out of everything no matter how small it is; bonus: especially if it’s a manager.

6. Spend 80% of your time chatting on MSN, Yahoo Messenger, Skype, …etc; updating your profile on facebook, hi5, multiply and whatnot; sharing memes and forwards with your friends; with bonus points for working hard on landing dates on personals sites.

7. Be and act so foolishly arrogant, as if the company can’t function without you, and nothing can go forward without you being a part of it and giving it your approval. Bonus: Go on vacation in the middle of a critical project to prove your point.

8. Show up everyday on time, leave on time, but spend your whole day staring blankly at your computer screen or reports or whatever, and actually not get any work done day in, day out. Bonus: Act like you’re really busy and annoyed you’re getting so much work.

9. Say “No” just for the sake of saying “No”. Do your best to be the biggest pain in the neck as possible, a sore thorn sticking out, a rebel without a cause, someone who just likes to swim against the tide. Bonus: Start a direct confrontation with your manager in front of everyone, stand your ground and shout as loud as you can.

10. Blog about internal company secrets, no-no’s and gossip. Bonus: Go for the scoop, publish some confidential insider reports, documents and numbers.

Of course there are many many more reasons a person could lose their job, but I thought I’d limit this list to the first ten that crossed my mind and that I’ve seen in the workplace throughout my career.

Feel free to add any other reasons you have in mind as a comment.

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